First Love


i met him through a mutual friend of ours.

it was sulli. it was sulli who got us to meet, and it was taemin who got sulli to meet kai. kai. his stagename tastes funny on my lips, salty and bitter. a name that leaves a mark and you ought to remember it. but i don’t like it. it feels odd, to call him kai when i know it’s not even his true name. i feel like a commoner, i feel like any of these girls that are always after him, blinding him with their camera shots, and i see the way he cringes then.
i don’t like kai.
his name is jongin. and i like jongin.

one moment he was there, and the other he wasn’t.

i found myself looking out for him. he’d always come after practice, no matter how exhausted he was, and he’d just sit there while we were goofing around on set, telling private jokes he didn’t understand. it made me go to him and make small talk with him. i don’t know why he always came. he just did, like a phantom. a snapshot of the quickest faerie you couldn’t see if he didn’t want to be seen.
because the next thing i knew, he was packing his bags and wiping a damp bang from his forehead, smiling tenderly. at us? at me? at no one in particular.
‘see you tomorrow’, he’d say, to no one in particular.
then he was gone.

i cannot explain what is happening to me.

i just don’t know. i’ve never felt this way before. i’ve never craved a person’s presence so much, ever. have i? no, i mustn’t have. i’d have remembered if i had.
i don’t know.

i could think of nothing else.

jongin. jongin, jongin, jongin, my mind would play, a broken record.

that’s when you can’t control when your heart goes.

taemin warned me, once. he asked me if i knew how much of a sweet bastard he was. i said, i do. and then he looked up at me, then at jongin who was still there, and smiled. i said nothing.
i knew what he meant. but i couldn’t believe that these tender eyes would do any harm. they could only glow and smolder quietly, and it gave me the weirdest urge to kiss them, just to make him open up to me.
i wanted him to open up to me.
‘jongin?’, i caught him in the hallway, and my hair nearly hit his face when i skidded to a halt.
‘soojung?’, he replied, his eyes – oh, his eyes – flickering, burning, opening fire into me.
his lips tasted salty and bitter on my lips, just like his stage name. but wonderfully so.

Read full chapter here


Aku bener-bener menangis dalam hati waktu baca fanfic yang satu ini. So damn well written, sedih mengiris-iris terbalut bahasa dan pilihan kata yang luar biasa cantik. Ditemukan secara nggak sengaja via link di Tumblr, yang tadinya mau aku hemat-hemat buat menemani malam minggu tapi ternyata gagal karena ceritanya terlalu menarik sampai nggak bisa berhenti baca.

Fanfic oneshot bergenre angst ini jelas diinspirasi oleh photo teaser untuk f(x) 2nd Album: Pink Tape yang dirilis bulan lalu. Photo teaser yang dirilis per hari ini sukses besar bikin seluruh Kai stans di luar sana menggila, karena sejak pertama kali muncul sosok laki-laki yang cuma kelihatan alis dan sebagian dahinya aja, semua orang udah bisa nebak, “IS THAT KAI?” Teaser lanjutannya nggak kalah bikin heboh, sampai akhirnya bener-bener dirilis foto yang menampilkan Kai secara utuh. Ada yang protes dan ada yang senang, ada yang cemburu dan ada yang mendukung. Buat aku sih, foto-foto itu bittersweet. They look insanely good together, but my fangirl heart just can’t take it somehow. Just no. No. No. No. Kai, nooooo…

Tapi terlepas dari hatiku yang bias, ‘First Love’ ini sangat recommended! Wajib baca, apalagi bagi pecinta angst, Kaistal shippers, atau siapapun yang lagi butuh trigger untuk menangis :D Happy reading!


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